He's Czar of What?

Not to be out done by his predecessors who had a "Drug Czar", Barack Obama has taken the "czar" concept and super-sized it beyond recognition. How many czars does our dear leader have? Nobody knows for sure, I've heard numbers anywhere between 16 and 33. This number seems remarkably small and quite prosaic considering Obama promised upon his election that the oceans were to recede. Come on Barack step up to the plate, you know you love having all these little henchmen at your beck and call ready and willing to do all your dirty work without any congressional oversight. Don't stop at a mere 30. Think "Clone War" numbers here. An army of Obama-like clones doing your bidding. You could really get the great American transformation rolling with that kind of manpower. As an informed SchadenFreudesSister reader that I know you to be, I thought it might be instructive to list out the current czars that Obama has appointed along with their supposed responsibilities -- at least as imagined by your humble blogger Teddy Robinson.

• TARP Czar - Herb Allison. Herb is in charge of keeping track of all the Obama donors and sorting them in descending order by amount donated. This helps Obama know who should receive the next TARP payoff. It is very effective and I applaud the President for making this one of the only Government entities that actually works.
• Border Czar - Alan Bersin. Alan is working on a grand scheme whereby a system of border tunnels and assembly lines will be employed to facilitate the fast introduction of illegal aliens into the country. They enter the tunnel in Mexico an illegal alien and they exit in the USA a newly registered democrat with a job raking leaves at Teddy Kennedy's compound.
• Intelligence Czar - Dennis Blair. I'm a bit stumped here. My guess is that Dennis has the unenviable task of helping the President and his administration come up with an intelligent thought. I believe that Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid have made inquiries into to getting one of their own. Whatever they are paying Dennis -- it isn't enough!
• Terrorism Czar - John Brennan. I'm a little confused here as well. We are no longer fighting the "Global War on Terror" instead it is now the "Overseas Contigency Operations" war. So, John is what... the "Overseas Contigent Czar" which to me sounds like he would be in charge of lining up the best places for Michelle to shop when she and Barack are out of the country.
• Energy Czar - Carol Browner. Barack doesn't really need this czar as he is doing a fantastic job all on his own of reducing the amount of energy available to the American people. I fear that Carol may soon be out of a job however, when they get that "Pond Scum" refinery on-line.
• Urban Affairs Czar - Adolfo Carrion, Jr. Adolfo is in charge of the vast network of D.C. escort service organizations. Its a tough job as they say but, somebody has got to do it. Word is Barack's first choice, Elliot Spitzer wanted too much money.
• Weapons Czar - Ashton Carter. This used to be one of the dark departments of the Democrat party, but is now out in the open. You see Ashton is in charge of developing all the weapons that will ensure that Democrats obtain and retain power in this country. You know things like voter intimidation, voter fraud, and illegal campaign contributions. Its good to see this important party operation is finally getting its due and is out in the open with this President.
• Technology Czar - Aneesh Chopra. Annesh is in charge of exporting as much technology as possible overseas. He's doing a fantastic job by the way.
• AIDS Czar - Jeffrey Crowley. Since 98% of all US diagnosed aids cases are caused by either high risk sexual activity and or IV drug use, it seems like you really wouldn't need a Czar to work on this issue. I would think a low level party aparatchik like the Deputy Under-Secretary Associated Assistant Prophylactic Resources Manager on the Gay Compliance Commission could easily solve this problem, but what do I know.
• Great Lakes Czar - Cameron Davis. I'm speechless on this one. Apparently, Cam is supposed to work on cleaning up the Great Lakes. Stopping invasive fish species, cleaning up sewage overflows, and salvaging the Edmund Fitzgerald perhaps. Hopefully, Canada will kick in its fair share to this boondoggle. Oh wait its only the good ole USA that pollutes... I forgot.
• Health Czar - Nancy-Ann DeParle. Uh-oh, I see big problems with this one. I predict that within six months a major cat fight will break out between Nancy-Ann and Regina Benjamin, Obama's Surgeon General.
• Stimulus Accountability Czar - Earl Devaney. HAHAHAHAHAAHHA! Excuse me I can't type anymore cause my eyes are watering!
• Faith-based Czar - Joshua DuBois. Joshua has a tough row to hoe. I don't know about you but my Faith in Obama is on the wane. I mean, I want to believe, and I certainly want to have Faith in this man, but alas I struggle. Having Faith in Obama is right I know, it is the correct thing, it is the thing that will bring me the greatest happiness, but I am really struggling here. I will continue to pray, that one day my Faith in Him will strengthen. Wait, you mean the Faith in Faith-based czar is not about Obama? No way!
• Pay Czar - Kenneth Feinberg. Again sort of redundant here. Pay has been reduced dramatically since Obama has been in office, so you don't really need this one. Of course Ken is also responsible for making sure that every parasitic Dem hack hanger on is raking in top dollar, so I guess he's got a little more work to do.
• Guantanamo Closure Czar - Danny Fried. Danny boy has a real problem here, since we've only convinced the island nation of Palau to take any of these fine upstanding Islamo-Dudes off our hands he may have a tough job ahead of him. Anymore job openings at the Kennedy compound perhaps?
• Sudan Czar - J. Scott Gration. J. just needs to sit down with these Sudanese Islamo-Dudes and calmly talk out a solution to the Sudan problem. Just follow Barack's lead on this one and you'll be fine.
• Afghanistan Czar - Richard Holbrooke. (See above.)
• Science Czar - John Holdren. John has a vital role in making sure that science plays no role in determining legislation with regards to important issues like the threat of Global Weather on our beautiful planet and the dire threat plastic grocery bags pose to the equatorial sea turtle population. Keep up the good work John! You make us so proud.
• Green Jobs Czar - Van Jones. Van "the man" Jones is in charge of that growing by leaps and bounds segment of the workforce the ever popular snipe-like green job. Green jobs will save this economy -- you mark my words. They will easily replace the over 2 million jobs that have been lost in the last 6 months or so says Obama. So yippee green jobs are on the way. Unfortunately, green jobs consist primarily of 2 job types: government bureaucrats and litigation lawyers. And goodness knows you can never have enough of those types of people.
• Drug Czar - Gil Kerlikowske. Gil's first big announcement was to abandon the phrase "war on drugs" saying that it was a counter-productive term. Maybe he could call it the "The Campaign for Homeland Pharmaceutical Contingency and Interdiction" if, that is, interdiction isn't deemed to be counter productive as well.
• Information Czar - Vivek Kundra. Still waiting to get the 411 on what Vivek is up to. What are the folks in Pueblo Colorado doing these days anyway?
• Mideast Peace Czar - George Mitchell. Former senator George Mitchell says that he will have this whole Mideast peace thing solved when the battle of Armageddon is concluded. Way to go George -- I like how you think.
• Car Czar - Ed Montgomery. This just in Ed has resigned as car czar -- the only czar that rhymes by the way. I am told that the replacement car czar must be able to color coordinate car interiors and have an innate fashion sense oh and he/she must be an expert on fabrics.
• Mideast Policy Czar - Dennis Ross. Maybe I'm naive here, but it seems like the peace czar and the policy czar are somewhat related. I know its complicated guys, but come on!
• WMD Czar - Gary Samore. I'm told that Gary got the job after he coined that totally awesome phrase "Bush lied, people died". He wants to make sure that every WMD that the US and its allies possess are destroyed, while making sure that all our psycho enemies are armed to the teeth. Yeah, that makes perfect sense.
• Climate Czar - Todd Stern. AL Gore has got to be peeved at this appointment. Todd here's a tip. Its weather and by nature its going to change. Enough said.
• Regulatory Czar - Cass Sunstein. Cass will be making sure that regulation on the regulated government agencies like the EPA, and OSHA are regular in their respective regulations. Got it?
• Economic Czar - Paul Volcker. Sort of a misnomer here. Economic Destruction Czar perhaps would be a better term for Mr. Volcker's position. I must say Paul you are awesome at your job -- the economy has never looked better. I know I'm certainly stimulated.

Dear Reader.... hello anybody still here? Anyone? Yes, this post is rather long, I know and I apologize. Like I said, there are quite a few czars in the sky so to speak, but there could and should be many many more in my humble opinion. So, with that in mind. In part II of "He's Czar of what?" I will suggest additional czars that Obama might appoint.

Don't miss it!

An Open Letter to Obama Voters

Dear Obama Voter,

Here we are, six months into the Obama Administration and things are not going that good. Have you asked yourself, is this the "Change" that I voted for? Do you have more "Hope" now than when Bush was in office?  I know that some of you voted for the man because it was the "cool" thing to do.  He is half black don't ya know and wow you thought, I can be one of the enlightened who voted for the candidate who broke the ultimate color barrier. And gosh darn it he's so cute, and did I mention he's not Bush.  However, some of you truly hated Bush.  No, hate is not a strong enough word.  You detested Bush!  I get it. Bush was a heinous man in your sight, a war monger and a fool. You couldn't stand him, he made you sick and he was responsible for all that was bad in your life.  But did you have to vote for a man who holds this country in utter disdain? A man who thinks our allies need to be disparaged and our enemies need to be propped up? A man who in his disdain desires irreparable harm for our country, our way of life and its economic institutions.  Does any of that matter to you?

I was looking at Obama's campaign slogans the other day, and they are very enlightening to look at retrospectively.  I know that hind-sight is 20/20, but as we look at what he campaigned on in light of what he is now doing, does it make you worried just a little bit?  Would you, if you could, vote differently on a fantasy do-over?

In no particular order here are some of his campaign slogans:

• "Yes We Can" - Yes we can what? Double unemployment? Dismantle the banking industry? Lose 2 trillion in peoples 401K's? Fire CEO's? You fill in the blank.
• “Change” versus “More of the Same” - By more of the same I assume he means positive economic growth, relatively low unemployment and a capitalist economic model.
• "Vote for Change" - Change we have in spades, unfortunately none of it is good for this country or its citizens.
  
• "Change We Can Believe In" - Do we as Americans believe in socialism?  Apparently some of you Obama voters do.
• "It's about Time. It's about Change" - What its about is Obama. Make no mistake about it.
  
• "We must pledge once more to walk into the future." - I presume that we are walking into the future, because we cannot afford the gas to drive our cars.

I only mentioned a few slogans and almost all of them centered on change.  Why is that?  What in your lives need to change so radically?  All of us need at times a healthy dose of self-improvement, a change if you will in our habits and our behavior, but the key to that change is that it comes from within. Does radical external change from the Government make sense?  Does anything the Government does make sense?  Does the success of this country need to change?  Do the institutions that made this country the envy of the world need to change? Does the economic engine that has lifted so many in the world out of poverty need to change? Do freedoms that Americans enjoy need to change?  I submit to you dear Obama voter, that the answer to all of the questions is an emphatic NO. Yet, the aforementioned changes will be the ultimate result of every action taken by President Obama since he came into office. You cast your vote, you partook in this historic moment in time.  What's done is done and there is no turning back. Once again, is this the change that you hoped for?

I can't help but wonder dear Obama voter what will happen next time you are faced with a choice. In 2010, you once again will take to the polls.  I respectfully ask, will you continue to support this change, this upheaval, this chaos that is being foisted upon the American people? Or will you reconsider?  Will you wake up and understand that the change we are seeing will have far reaching consequences that will affect you, your children and their children to come. Freedom dear Obama voter is what's at stake.  Freedom to self-determine, freedom to aspire, freedom to fail. Our very lives, our essential liberty and our pursuit of happiness is hanging in the balance. Where do you stand on these principles Obama Voter? I realize that a change in your vote, your voice will take courage and conviction.  Will you be willing to take that challenge, will you be ready for that task? Will you make a different choice?

I sincerely hope so.

In the meantime, all we can do is "Hope" to survive this "Change".

Respectfully yours,

Theodore Robinson

Teddy's Theatre Review: Terminator Salvation

Let me set the scene for you. The year is 2003, and Marcus is sitting in a small prison cell. Who is Marcus you ask? I have no idea. In walks this lady, who looks like a diseased nun. She asks the inmate how he is doing? He replies rather tersely, "ask me that question in an hour", it is here that we learn that Marcus is set to be executed shortly for crimes unexplained. It was then that I noticed that the woman with him was Helena Bonham Carter, and boy does she look awful! I guess she has this excuse that she is dying of cancer or something, but come on! Where is that comely lass Miss Honeychurch last seen traipsing across Tuscany? I mean she has really let herself go! Its a shame really, I guess that is so typical of English women, I mean take for example the Queen Mum, she is like what 55, 56 at the most and she looks at least twice that age. Come on British women, shape up! I'm digressing I know. Anyway, Marcus is put to death. Then the scene flashes forward to 2018, where everything is utterly wasted. I guess the machines got peeved and started nuking everything in sight, which means that the landscape is littered with small fires burning on some magically inexhaustible fuel source - you know the scene I'm talking about right? Then in steps John Connor, dressed in the same outfit he was wearing in "Reign Of Fire" although he's not British in this flick. They jump down a big hole and discover a whole passel of humans stuck in cages sort of like in the move "Planet of the Apes" (which come to think of it explains why I didn't know that HBC had gone so down hill - what with the ape makeup and all). Things go badly and all his men are killed, but he manages to escape by shoving a ball point pen in the back of the neck on one of those nasty terminators. So John escapes, but doesn't break out into a rousing rendition of "Santa Fe", which is sad. Then out of the ooze (like some orc being born) escapes our former friend Marcus. Hmm I wonder what thats all about? Marcus later encounters Kyle and his deaf mute friend Moesha. Now Kyle is the 2nd cousin to Reginald. Who's Reginald you ask? He's a guy that Kyle will tell the history of the bad machines to and who will eventually go back in time and introduce Sara's future husband Frank to in her in gym class while at college. This plot gets really complicated I know. Meanwhile the machines have figured out that Kyle must die before he can make the trip back in time to help Frank and Sara meet thus bringing to fruition their love child John, who then would go on eventually defeat those nasty machines. Suffice it to say there are lots of cool chase scenes that follow, including an awesome semi-truck scene that has a tow truck smashing a bunxh of abandoned cars on the freeway and generally making a mess of things. John and Marcus eventually meet, they don't like each other much when it turns out that Marcus has the guts of Lee Majors. They all eventually meet up in SkyNet's sinister headquarters, where the Governator makes a cameo (naked of course, why is he always naked?) I was surprised by this since I would have thought Ahnold would have been too busy bankrupting Cawleefornia to be making movies. Then someone pointed out to me that it was a CG verision of the Governator. I should have guessed this since the Ahnold I saw on the screen had such a depth of character, that it couldn't have been the real actor. The movie ends with Marcus getting punched in the heart so hard that he dies. Fear not dear readers, because John is able to jump start his heart with a couple of bare 220KV wires that happened to be lying nearby - this as it turns out ends up being a pivotal scene as John later.... wait, I shouldn't go any further since after reading this riveting review you might actually want to go see the movie yourself. Bottom line this movie is pretty good, not as good as "Star Trek", but I'm sure its lots better than "Drag Me To Hell". I give "Terminator Salvation" 3 Stars.

Awesome graphic

I must give credit where credit is due. The superb ObamaTron graphic was designed by son #1. As you can see he has talent. Great Job Spence!

Ripped from the news - Muslim Style

Listed below are news items from the Muslim World. With the exception of the last link all of these items come from the Middle East Media Research Institute (MEMRI). Their website can be found here MEMRI monitors Arabic media reports coming out of the Middle East and translates them into English for our consumption in the West. It is striking the difference between the Englsh media reports coming out of the Middle East to those written in Arabic. They provide an invaluable service and I highly recommend them to you.

• Muslim Clerics on the Religious Rulings Regarding Wife-Beating. Excerpt below, full article here.

"If the husband senses that feelings of disobedience and rebelliousness are rising against him in his wife, he should try his best to rectify her attitude by kind words, gentle persuasion, and reasoning with her. If this is not helpful, he should sleep apart from her, trying to awaken her agreeable feminine nature so that serenity may be restored, and she may respond to him in a harmonious fashion. If this approach fails, it is permissible for him to beat her lightly with his hands, avoiding her face and other sensitive parts. In no case should he resort to using a stick or any other instrument that might cause pain and injury. Rather this 'beating' should be of the kind which the Prophet (peace be on him) once, when angry with his servant, mentioned to him, saying, 'If it were not for the fear of retaliation on the Day of Resurrection, I would have beaten you with this miswak (tooth-cleaning stick)'"

• Debate in Saudi Arabia over Women's Sports. Excerpt below, full article here.

Saudi Mufti Sheikh Abd Al-'Aziz bin Abdallah Aal Al-Sheikh refused to sanction women's sports, stating that "[such] demand is tantamount to a call for wantonness, for transgressing [the rules of] modesty, and for disobeying [feminine] nature, which Allah instilled in the woman upon creation." He further stated: "A woman is expected to be a homemaker and a caregiver for her children; it is she who builds the family and shares [responsibility] for its management. If she leaves [her home] for the sake of such things [i.e. sports], she will forget herself… she will neglect her husband and children, and waste her time on games and amusement, unaware of what is happening to her and to her children. [And] what will become of [her] home?

• Public Debate in Saudi Arabia on Employment Opportunities for Women. Excerpt below, full article here

The Saudi government's decision to allow women to work in women's clothing shops, which was postponed, revoked, reintroduced, and then postponed once again, sparked a public debate on whether women's employment was permitted by shari'a. Some of the questions debated were whether work outside the home compromises a woman's honor, whether shari'a permits women to work with men, and whether shari'a differentiates between work appropriate for men and work appropriate for women.

• Saudi Human and Women's Rights Activist Wajeha Al-Huwaidar Speaks Out Against Honor Killings. Excerpt below, full article here

“Du'a Al-Aswad is a victim of the wild male madness called 'honor.' This concept is prevalent throughout the Greater Middle East [Al-Sharq Al-AwsatAl-Kabir], or perhaps I should say the Greater Filthy East [Al-Sharq Al-AwsakhAl-Kabir], since it is worthy of this label from every perspective - in particular [when it comes to] the treatment of women. From Pakistan and Afghanistan through Iran, the Middle East, and all the way to Morocco, this entire part of the world [is full of] defeated and dejected men, whose only way to gain some sort of victory is by beating their women to death.”

• Rising Criticism of Child Bride Marriages in Saudi Arabia. Excerpt below, full article here.

Saudi Mufti Sheikh 'Abd Al-'Aziz Aal-Sheikh has been inconsistent in his position on child marriage. On August 23, 2008, he advised parents to refrain from marrying their daughters to men who are their seniors by 50 years or more. Such a marriage, he stated, reflects a lack of conscience on the part of the parents, violates the girl's chastity, and may lead her to sin. He added that girls in such marriages suffer while their parents live in comfort on the dowries they receive from the groom.

Conversely, on January 14, 2009, the Mufti issued a fatwa permitting the marriage of girls under 10, stating that those who oppose this are mistaken and are causing harm to women.

• · Pleasure Marriages in Sunni and Shi'ite Islam. Excerpt below, full article here.

For over a decade, the phenomenon of marriage without commitment, called misyar marriage, has been spreading throughout the Sunni Muslim world, particularly in Saudi Arabia and the other Gulf countries. [1] In such marriages, the woman relinquishes some of the rights that Islam grants her, such as the right to a home and to financial support from her husband, and, if he has other wives, the right to an equal part of his time and attention. In most cases, these marriages are secret, without the knowledge of the man's other wives - even though a marriage contract is drawn up in the presence of witnesses, and although consent is commonly obtained from the woman's guardian, and the marriage is registered and documented at the courthouse. Demand is high for misyar marriages on online matchmaking sites, as well as through services using text messages and email.

• Cases of Female Circumcision Reported in Kurdish Communities in Northern Iraq. Excerpt below, full article here

"He said to her: 'Don't cut it off.' Take off only what is necessary. It is well known that in warm countries, the woman's physiology differs from that of women in cold and temperate climates. In warm regions, the clitoris is larger than in cold or temperate regions. Therefore, a woman is liable to be stimulated by any movement, or by any random contact, resulting from riding animals, or by performing hard work. So they cut off a little piece. But this should be performed by a doctor or by a woman experienced in this."

Can we stipulate here, that Islam still struggles with a woman’s right to self-govern? That Islam in many cases treats women despicably – even at times sub-human? That this issue is not only limited to fringe elements of rogue nations, but is present in the very fabric of mainstream Islamic culture across the world -- including such far flung locations as London, Copenhagen, and Detroit? That the idea of our wives, daughters, and sisters having to live under Islamic control would be a kind of hellish proposition that we could not even bear to contemplate? I would say yes on all counts.

So why does President Obama feel the need to draw moral equivalents where none exist.

This is an excerpt of Pres. Obama's recent speech in Egypt. Full text located here.

“Now, let me be clear: Issues of women's equality are by no means simply an issue for Islam. In Turkey, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Indonesia, we've seen Muslim-majority countries elect a woman to lead. Meanwhile, the struggle for women's equality continues in many aspects of American life, and in countries around the world.”

President Obama. Is it too much to ask you to develop at least a modicum of love for the country you profess to wanting to govern? You have a lot of pent anger at yourself, at the world and apparently at the US, a country that has so graciously given you a chance to govern. Was it too much to ask you to remind the Egyptians, of the thousands upon thousands of Muslims this country have liberated at the cost of American blood. Can you please stop with the disgusting moral equivalence arguments set forth by your comparing the “woman’s rights” issues of the US with those of the barbaric treatment of women under Islam.

Please Mr. Obama stop the bashing of this great country. Stop the hate. If need be seek help now.

B. H. Obama Tribute Post

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." B.H. Obama

"I can make a firm pledge, under my plan, no family making less than $250,000 a year will see any form of tax increase. Not your income tax, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains taxes,
not any of your taxes." B.H. Obama

"I cannot swallow whole the view of Lincoln as the Great Emancipator." B.H. Obama

"I've got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby." B.H. Obama

"In America, there's a failure to appreciate Europe's leading role in the world." B.H. Obama

"People of Berlin - people of the world - this is our moment. This is our time." B.H. Obama

"The thing about hip-hop today is it's smart, it's insightful. The way they can communicate a complex message in a very short space is remarkable." = B.H. Obama

"We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times... and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK. That's not leadership. That's not going to happen." B.H. Obama

It is important to note that "if you actually took the number of Muslim Americans, we'd be one of the largest Muslim countries in the world." - B.H. Obama

If the Obama Administration were a Monty Python Skit

So, we have double digit unemployment, trillion dollar deficits and -5 percent economic growth and to top it off our taxes are being raised in a recession no less. I mean things are so wacky right now that I couldn't help but make the comparison between The Obama Administration (TOA) and a Monty Python Skit. However, dear readers of mine (all 2 of you) it must be asked which skit would best describe the awesome asininity that is TOA. Therefore, humbly, I submit the following as possible choices:

This skit encapsulates TOA quite nicely. For example just last week Obama (The Big O) went out to hollywood for a fund raiser and told the glitterati the following:

"It's safe to say we have stepped back from the brink, that there is some calm that didn't exist before,"

The Big O also told celebrities at the Beverly Hilton Hotel that "

"..the stimulus bill that Congress passed three months ago is starting to improve the economy."

Thats not a silly walk he's showing us, but it's possibly the silliest thing I've heard in a long time. Besides, today The Big O cited the fine work of his "Auto Task Force" in the sinking of GM. Can a ministry of "Silly Walks" department be far behind? Maybe he could find a female african-american transgendered lesbian to fill the post.

My second pick is this skit. I defintely feel like the applicant in this one.

This one reminds me of The Big O promising all this great stuff under his stimulus bill that only the government can provide. Problem is... the stuff isn't all that great and you end up looking like an ass trying to take advantage of it. Besides, in the end as in the skit it was all hoax -- at the expense of the American people of course.

I also like this one:

Not a lot of great parallels here with TOA except that what comes out of it sure does stink!

Finally, after giving a lot of thought (probably way too much) on this, I believe that this one best fits TOA. Its a bit long, but worth it.

To me this skit beautifully typifies TOA. An administration that represents a whole lot of nothing. Of course to make it work you'd have to change the script a little. So that's exactly what I've done. So without further ado, I present

"The American Dream Shop"

The Players:
Middle Class America aka MCA;
Barack Obama aka The Big O;
The Scene:
A Beautiful luxuriant and modern skyscraper replete with solar panels and a sewer reclamation plant built right in, which carries the signs:
'Ye Olde American Dream Shop';
'Barack Obama, The Big O, Purveyor of I know whats best for you';
'Licensed for Destruction of Free Market Economies';
Two men dressed as city gents are Greek dancing in the corner to the music of Jon Bon Jovi.
MCA enters.

MCA:
Good Morning.
The Big O:
Good morning, sir. Welcome to the National Dream Emporium.
MCA:
Ah, thank you my good man.
MCA:
Well, I was, uh, sitting at home searching the Internet for job openings just now, skimming through DICE and Monster and such, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
The Big O:
Peckish, sir?
MCA:
Esurient.
The Big O:
Eh?
MCA:
(In a broad Yorkshire accent) Eee I were all hungry, like.
The Big O:
Ah, hungry.
MCA:
In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, 'the American dream seems out of reach, how can it be obtained?'. So I curtailed my browsing activities, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some American Dreams.
The Big O:
Come again?
MCA:
I want to be happy, free and successful.
The Big O:
Oh, I thought you were complaining about Jon Bon Jovi.
MCA:
Oh, heaven forbid. I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse.
The Big O:
Sorry?
MCA:
(In a broad Yorkshire accent) Ooo, I like a nice tune - you're forced to.
The Big O:
So they can go on playing, can they?
MCA:
Most certainly. Now then, some dreams please, my good man.
The Big O:
Certainly, sir. What would you like?
MCA:
Well, eh, I was hoping for some real change?
The Big O:
I'm afraid we're fresh out of change sir.
MCA:
Oh never mind, how are you on Hope?
The Big O:
I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir. We get it fresh on Monday.
MCA:
Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four opportunities at a new job, if you please.
The Big O:
Ah. It's been on order, sir, for two weeks. I was expecting it this morning.
MCA:
It's not my lucky day, is it? Er, More Liberty?
The Big O:
Sorry, sir.
MCA:
Lower Capital Gains?
The Big O:
Normally, sir, yes. Today the government needs it.
MCA:
Ah. Private Sector Investments?
The Big O:
Sorry.
MCA:
Justice, Individual Liberty, Gun Ownership, Freedom From Religious Persecution, Equal Justice Under the Law?
The Big O:
No.
MCA:
Lower Income Taxes, perhaps?
The Big O:
Ah! We have Lower Income Taxes, yes sir.
MCA:
You do! Excellent.
The Big O:
Yes, sir. It's, ah ..... it's a bit complicated.
MCA:
Oh, I like it complicated.
The Big O:
Well, it's very complicated, actually, sir.
MCA:
No matter. Fetch hither L'américain de la liberté de faibles taux d'imposition! M-mmm!
The Big O:
I think it's a bit more complicated than you'll like it, sir.
MCA:
I don't care how f-ing complicated it is. Hand it over with all speed.
The Big O:
Oh .....
MCA:
What now?
The Big O:
Acorn and the unions have eaten it.
MCA:
Have you?
The Big O:
They, sir.
(pause)
MCA:
Smaller Government?
The Big O:
No.
MCA:
Less Government Waste?
The Big O:
No.
MCA:
You do have some American Dreams, do you?
The Big O:
Of course, sir. It's an American Dream shop, sir. We've got .....
MCA:
No, no, don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
The Big O:
Fair enough.
MCA:
Er, Spiritual Enlightenment?
The Big O:
Yes?
MCA:
Ah, well, I'll have some of that.
The Big O:
Oh, I thought you were talking to me, sir. my wife calls me her Spiritual Enlightenment you see.
(pause)
MCA:
Less Government Regulation?
The Big O:
Ah, not as such.
MCA:
Er, Increasing GDP?
The Big O:
No.
(pause)
MCA:
Ah, how about Freedom From Government Oppresion?
The Big O:
Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
MCA:
Not much ca- It's the single most important role of the constitution!
The Big O:
Not round here, sir.
MCA:
And what is the most popular American Dream around here?
The Big O:
Affordable HealthCare, sir.
MCA:
Is it.
The Big O:
Oh yes, sir. It's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
MCA:
Is it.
The Big O:
It's our number-one best seller, sir.
MCA:
I see. Ah, Affordable HealthCare, eh?
The Big O:
Right, sir.
MCA:
All right. Okay. Have you got any, he asked expecting the answer no?
The Big O:
I'll have a look, sir ..... nnnnnnooooooooo.
MCA:
It's not much of a dream shop, is it?
The Big O:
Finest in the district, sir.
MCA:
Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
The Big O:
Well, it's so clean, sir.
MCA:
It's certainly uncontaminated by personal freedom and entrepreneurship.
The Big O:
You haven't asked me about Happiness, sir.
MCA:
Is it worth it?
The Big O:
Could be.
MCA:
Have you- SHUT THAT BLOODY Jon Bon Jovi UP!
The Big O:
(To dancers) Told you so.
MCA:
Have you got any Happiness?
The Big O:
No.
MCA:
That figures. Predictable really, I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place
The Big O:
Yes, sir?
MCA:
Have you in fact got any American Dreams here at all?
The Big O:
Yes, sir.
MCA:
Really?
(pause)
The Big O:
No. Not really, sir.
MCA:
You haven't.
The Big O:
No, sir, not a scrap. I was deliberately lieing to you to bring down this country and ruin the American Dream, sir.
MCA:
Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ignore you.
The Big O:
Right-O, sir.
MCA:
(Ignores him) What a senseless waste of the American Experience.


This would be funny, unfortunately its too true.

Have you got a skit that works better?

I was Just wondering........

I see that Al Gore was in the news last week presenting a speech from Copenhagen, urging business leaders from 500 companies to push for some sort of global warming agreement to curb pollution. He said, "Mother Nature does not do bailouts." Clever aint it! He also said, "But there is good news, because the world's business community is beginning to respond," and then concluded by saying that Global Warming was working swimmingly for him, since he's made hundreds of millions dollars since sounding this crazy clarion call. OK, that last part he didn't say, but it is nonetheless true. This got me to thinking? Do you think if Al Gore's head exploded.....

gorgonzola cheese would spill out from his cranial cavity?

I was just wondering....

The NBA Cares......

I'm watching the NBA conference finals. The match ups are quite good and I see from watching the commercials that the "NBA Cares" and I'm sure they do -- as if the rest of us schmucks don't! Next the NBA is going to come out against cancer -- but I digress. I can't help wondering though if maybe the NBA should care more about their on-court image? Is this really the face of the League that NBA is after?

















There is something that says self-loathing to me when a guy treats his body like a doodle pad.

What does it say about a league that is full of doodle pads? Maybe the league should hold classes to incoming rookies attempting to elevate their self-esteem and warning them on the dangers of looking like this.



























As a side note, the NBA could pass on to my black brothers that due to small contrast in skin and ink colors that tattoos don't look that great on them. Sorta looks like an angry 3 year got to them with a sharpie while they slept.

However, I would like to give a shout out to Dwight Howard for not giving in this lemming like behavior to spiro-graph his body.

To me there is no comparison on which athlete looks best

What's For Dinner?

I have a cat... or rather there is a cat that resides in our house. Her name is Micah --- Mike for short. She's cute and cuddly see here for proof. I was poring her cat food "Seafood Sensations" into her bowl the other day when I noticed what was on the menu in said cat food including this tantalizing description. "Each crunchy, tasty bowlful comes alive with enticing aromas, appealing shapes and an ocean of flavor". Are cats enticed by shapes? Anyway, here is the menu:

• Ocean Fish Flavor
• Albacore Tuna Flavor
• Salmon Flavor
• Yellowfin Tuna Flavor
• Crab Flavor
  

And the all time favorite cat ingredient:

• A Touch Of Seaweed

My first thought on reading this was

"What, no Blackened Swordfish Flavor?!"

How does Mike cope? The good folks at Purina must really love to eat sushi -- or think that we do. In Purina's defense the pantheon of seafood-like flavors seems to work for my cat since you could put a piece of real albacore tuna sans the "flavor" in front of her and she would turn her nose up at it. In all seriousness, anything resembling fish-like substance in the cat food is listed way down the list of ingredients after potassium chloride, so I'm thinking Mike loves the ground yellow corn as much (if not more) as the salmon meal flavor, let alone the "touch" of seaweed.

Bon Apetit

Obama Wants the Economy to Tank: reason #98734

So, Pres. Obama is upping the ante on CAFE standards -- raising it 35.5 MPG by 2016.

35.5 MPG! (Why not make it an even 40?)

That is higher than the EPA city estimate of 33 MPG that the Smart Car currently attains. A car that you couldn't fit a pregnant dachshund into.



It looks like they will have to trim a couple hundred pounds of wasted mass from this behemoth before we can approach CAFE certitude.

Seriously, what is the Prez thinking about with this ludicrous pronouncement of his? I will tell you one thing he is not thinking about -- and that's the recovery of of the US economy.

By commanding that fuel efficiency be raised to 35 MPG, he is telling car manufacturers to produce cars that nobody wants to buy, that will significantly raise the price of said cars even higher -- further depressing sales, and force the American people to drive cars that are less safe -- due to the fact that they will need to be made out of Styrofoam.

How does this help the auto industry and by extension the economy? It doesn't. It does just the opposite.

Thanks President Obama.